True tales of Steve Pack: merchant adventurer and ugly American

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Whoring myself

I've finished a new website for a client; wackyracecars.com The site features parodies of corporate NASCAR sponsors. NOTE! These parodies are slightly naughty and should not be viewed by those of a produish dispoisition. If you like what you see, buy a damn shirt, if you hate this sort of thing but have a "friend" who does, send them the link.

Any hey, while I have the attention of your eyeballs, let me know if you like the design of the site.

Wicked cool animated desktop

At the last LAN party I attended (Hey,I suck at Crimson Skies- thank you) I fired up a cool screensaver/desktop that I found somewhere called Drempels. The cool thing is that it can generate a personal, swirling acid-trip underneath your desktop icons. The program is only about 500k so go download it and play around.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

I am not a patient man...

So, Constanting wasn't too bad at all. Not life changing, it was a good solid film. Having seen it I thought that there was only one film left to look forward to: Kingdom of Heaven. This monster looks good, reeeeeeal good. A film about the crusades that looks like it has a broad scope and brutal action. After Troy and Alexander, I've been loosing my faith in the historical epic.

But wait! I have just learned of a VERY cool looking film called Beowulf and Grendle. Its based on the ancient Anglo-Saxon story and filmed entirely in Iceland. No CGI, and costumes that look absolutely awesome. Take a look, the site has lots of goodies. When will we get a look at it? I have no idea, but I shall be keeping my eyes on this gem. Oh yes I shall...




Thanks to Erika for the heads up on this. Are there other films I haven;t heard about but should? I'm not omniscient you know (at least not yet) If you know of a cool film I might like, fire me an email: steve@thecoolreport.net

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Landspeeder on ebay, my knees...getting weak

If ANYONE out there has two grand burning a hole in their pocket, contact me immedietly!! Some clever fanboy tool-using monkey has made his own Star Wars landspeeder based on a Harley Davidson gold cart (I know, the fact the HD makes golf carts wierds me out too). It's up for sale on ebay.



Aparently he has to sell it because he wants to make a replica of the Enterprise shuttle Gallileo. God bless you sir.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Extra funny

"PRESS SECRETARY SCOTT McCLELLAN UNVEILS STRICT NEW CREDENTIALING APPLICATION TO ENSURE ROCK-SOLID INTEGRITY OF THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS POOL"

http://whitehouse.org/media/application.asp

The All Seeing Eye

If you haven't heard about the Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert affair recently I would suggest doing a quick search on Google News or head over to www.ameriblog.org to get the details of this most amazing story.

To summarize, Two years ago a clean-cut man named Jeff Gannon came to the White House press office and said he was a reporter for a website called Talon News. Rather then get a 'hard pass', which required an extensive FBI background check, he got a daily pass, which requires almost no background check.

Once in, he started to do what reporters often do; take notes, record statements by the press secretary and President and ask questions. But something was wrong. The pack knows its own and the press didn't like the scent of this guy. And those who watch such press events began to notice that Jim didn't ever ask the administration tough questions. Indeed, his questions were rather softball or just outright pro-Bush. The reports on the Talon "News" website were almost direct copies of White House press releases. Talon News it turned out, was owned by a minor Republican party member. Someone smelled a rat.

And that is when the All Seeing Eye of the Blog/Internet community began to focus on Jeff. And when that happens, there is no where to hide. It seems Jeff Gannon was really Jim Guckert. Jeff was an alias. His journalistic credentials also seemed suspect (read: almost nonexistent). His website was shown to be basically a propaganda machine. People started checking into Jim/Jeff to see what else he had been doing and found what some would call 'dirt'.

It seems that Jim had paid to have several websites made advertising his 'services'. These services pretty clearly spelled out that he was available as a male escort. Basically, a prostitute. He is listed in several other gay escort locator services as well.

Jim quit Talon News and has been trying to defend himself, but telling white lies and twisting words is harder to do when every word you say can be checked on and verified. For instance, he claimed he got the press pass because he met the criteria for a reporter. He worked for a 'regularly published' news outlet, Talon News. But he got the pass before Talon news produced one story, and the GOPUSA website that started Talon news can't be considered a news group, as its is clearly a Republican only website (hardly an impartial press entity).

At its ugliest, you could sum up the situation thusly; How does a gay prostitute using a fake name pass through security screens to join a public Q & A session with the leader of the free world? Equally sensational is the possibility, suggested by members of Congress and major news organizations, that the White House deliberately helped set up Guckert with credentials and privileged information.

The Conservatives are trying to fight back by pointing out how these "attack bloggers" are disseminating Guckerts dirty laundry, which has nothing to do with his job as a journalist.

This is where, for me, the situation splits into two issues. One is the story of Gannon the reporter/propagandist. Right now the All Seeing Eye is following the money. Who paid this guy? I wouldn't be surprised is he turns out to be yet another paid mouthpiece for the Bush administration. And THAT is an important story. The press is not there to serve at the behest of the President. When the administration has to pay to get favorable coverage of its policies, those policies ain't that good.

The second issue is Guckerts "past mistakes" as he calls them. (Oddly, these websites and profiles aren't years old, they're still active today). The truth is that no one's life and past can survive microscopic analysis. No one can enter the political arena and come out squeaky clean. That's not the issue.

I don't view Jim Guckert as a bad person for being gay. And I personally don't have a serious problem with prostitution when it is entered into willingly. What angers me is that Guckert has worked for a conservative website that posts anti-gay stories. His party and the president campaigned on an anti-gay platform. This is a guy who doesn't practice what his ideology preaches. He doesn't seem to understand that his own people hate him. His own party wants to create a constitutional amendment to limit his rights. His own military (Guckert was a Marine) won't knowingly let him serve his country. And if his fellow Marines had known he was gay, he likely would have suffered terrible abuse at their hands.

Guckert hasn't spoken in his own defense about the gay prostitution issue. He is closeted and that part of his life may be something he views as a personal or moral flaw. Many gays suffer from self-loathing. It's too bad that he can't look to his fellow Republicans for any support or understanding.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Last Year

Last year, not long after moving into our new home, I went to work the Oklahoma Ren Faire in Muskogee Oklahoma. It was quite an experience. Although the show wasn't aweful I still didn't have a great time. For one, I was alone. Rossana was overseeing various repairs at the homefront. I suppose if I had been alone for a month in New York or L.A. I might have been able to pass the time easily. But this was godforsaken Oklahoma.

I saw everything that needed to be seen in two days. After four days of sitting in a cheap Motel room I started to dift out of my own head, like the opening scene from Apocalypse Now. There were five good Chinese buffets in the city and there was a 24 hour Ice Cream parlor across the street from me. I had to get out or I would become Marlon Brando.

I talked my way into a 1 month trial membership at a local gym. I found the public library so I could surf the web and I eventually took a part-time job as a sign maker. The work kept me busy and helped the week days pass faster. I also got to shoot the shit with some great rennies. Thanks to Hoss, Virgil, his assistant and Randy I kept my sanity.

Here are some pics and commentary from the trip for you to enjoy.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Note to self...

So, if you're already feeling pretty crappy about your species because they tend to do awful things to each other in the name of science (see below) then maybe you shouldn't go and see Hotel Rwanda two days later.

My insides physically hurt leaving the theater. You may not remember the civil war in Rwanda between the tutsi and hutu's. Remember? Oh, you may have never heard about it in the first place. After all, we had other fish to fry back then. And there's still the tricky issue of whether or not actual genocide occurred. Is only a million dead really genocide? What about the 80 of women who were systematically raped?

This is a great film and I advise you to see it. Great performance by Don Cheadle. And it might make you pause for a moment the next time you see a little blurb on CNN about the latest fighting in Darfur. Every time says there is fighting in XXX, that means that a few thousand people were killed. Probably in some rather horrible way.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Evil

The word 'Evil' isn't used much in a professional sense. It is an inexact term. One mans evil is another mans pre-emptive war to stop Saddam from using WMD's... ahem. Psychologists & scientists don't like to use the term. Is someone evil if they hurt people as a result of suffering from szchitzophrenia?Certainly not. Is euthanasia evil? You can argue back and forth.

But make no mistake. There is evil in the world. True, concentrated evil. Well documented, and Government sanctioned. More specifically, there are evil people. People who's actions are so beyond the pale of human decency and compassion that no other word describes them. And even when these evil acts are stopped, those responsible continue to live their lives without punishment. Below are three stories. You can do some googling on your own, I could only take so much before I began loosing all my faith in our species again and had to stop.

The stories are about how a hospital in Austria killed approx 800 children in order to study their brains during WWII. One of the doctors who was right in the thick of it, is still alive today. He has never served a day of jail time. There is a documentary coming out called "Grey Matter" that deals with this story. I honestly don't think I could watch it. The stories below were awful enough:

http://www.cbc.ca/witness/graymatter/clinic.html

http://www.wsws.org/articles/2001/mar2001/ber4-m03.shtml

http://www.cmaj.ca/cgi/content/full/171/6/619

I don't know about you, but I'm going to go crawl into bed and hope the nightmares don't keep me awake all night.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Very Cool - A pirate ship made from snow

Apparently there are some clever monkeys over at Dartmouth college. These monkeys decided to revive a longstanding tradition of creating a massive snowsculpture for their winter carnival. What did they make? How about a 56 foot high pirate ship!



Click for biggerness.


It took them quite a while, using volunteers and press gangs etc. But the end result is pretty frickin cool. Apparently, the tradition started many years ago. The coolest sculpture for me was made in 1969, a dragon that breathed fire. Very, very cool.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Zen and the Art of Web Development

I have had many vocations over the years. Window washer, puppeteer, sign maker, technical writer, fire eater, phone book deliverer, the list goes on and on. About 8 years ago I somehow I managed to talk my way into a job as a web developer at a large company called Pioneer-Standard (no, not the company that makes stereos). I stayed with this job for 5 years, mostly because it paid pretty damn well and I worked with some cool people.

Although I am no longer working for a vast corporate machine (they sold off our half of the company), I still continue to do freelance web development. My clients now are small businesses and artists who don't have the time or patience to learn computer mumbo-jumbo. I provide e-commerce websites for a reasonable price and get to keep my skills passably sharp. Right now I am working on a sight for a small screen printing outfit. They're developing a line of Nascar parody t-shirts. You can take a look at how the site is shaping up here.

For this project, the layout come from another graphic artist. The artist works mostly in print, which allows you a lot of freedom of design. The shopping cart software I use can be customized to match her design, but it is a time-consuming process. It's part image manipulation in photoshop and part code tinkering. The odd thing is that I actually like working on the site in this way. Altering the code to match the clients design requires dozens of small changes in many different files. The process of tracking down and changing the code is rather like doing a crossword. When one item is changed, other code changes become visible. When I get into a groove I seem to loose track of time. I started today's work at 2:30 and its almost 1am now. I could easily keep going, My mind is alert, but I'd pay for it tomorrow.

Here are some other sites that I have worked on:

www.aspenstore.com

www.ruppsworld.com
www.nightwalkerart.com

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Go Steve- It's your birthday...

Yesterday was a damn fine day. A collection of friends went with my sweetie and me to the massive Home and Garden show. We perused the many gardens and lusted after items of home goodness that we mostly can't afford.

After that it was back to Bag End for food and cake. Nothing fancy, just a great day with some friends. We talked and laughed way into the night. I got a few gifts and phone calls from my brother, dad and an old friend from high school.

There are times that I truly forget how old I am, or rather, what my age is. Old is a tricky word. I've met people who think that 50 is old. Once they hit that age they switch into 'old person mode'. It freaky. Mention doing something out of the ordinary and they shake their heads and say, "No, I'm tool old for that nonsense". They look back instead of forward. They loose their sense of wonder. And once they have accepted this phase, the process of aging seems to speed up and intensify for them. It's a frieghtening thing to watch.

Then there's the couple I met at the Art Museum last week. 83 years old and they were planning on going to Egypt in a month. They were there to do some research. Brush up on the culture. They're outlook on life was fantastic and their enthusiasm was infectious. When I am 83, I want to be planning my first visit to the moon. Oh sure, it's crowded during the summer, the low gravity can give you the runs and the food isn't as good as at home, but it's an adventure!

Thanks to Lindsey, Chris, Carol, Jim, Jenny, Rupp, Ed and Duff for making my B-day. A good day with friends is more valuable than gold.

**UPDATE** My friend Jim Taber wrote to remind me that we've known each other since grade school. My bad. Actually, I believe that we actually served together as fellow soldiers under Hadrian in another life. But explaining the intricasies of the Roman camapign into Gaul would have taken too long.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Sweet Jesus I can't take it!

Why WHY must there be so much coolness in this world??? In case tanks and missile launchers for sale on ebay aren't enough for you, some guy has made a heavily armed, armored, flame-throwing herse!!!



The site is being pounded right now, so you might want to come back in a day or two to oogle the evil goodness. There are even instructions for building your own flame thrower. From the site:

The most common reaction I get (aside from the goat fuckers who always yell out "Ghostbusters!" when I drive by, and yes, they are goat fuckers, don't fool yourself) is "Isn't that dangerous? Having combustible gas on your roof?" to which I have to give a little PSA on propane.

Propane is actually pretty damned safe, at least as safe as you get when you are in the market of 15 foot fireballs. Propane, hydrocarbon C3H8, requires a combustion point of at least 940 degrees. Gasoline on the other hand has a combustion point of 430 degrees, and a Cadillac tank holds some 30 gallons of this stuff. If my car ever did get to a temperature of 940 degrees, I somehow gather that my problems are going to be much bigger than a ruptured propane tank.


This is the kind of shit that makes this the greatest country on the face of the earth. (snif)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Keen - I can make art!

I have a lot of funny to give, but it is trapped in an artistically crippled body. Every day I think up cartoons that are so goddamn funny I literally piss myself with uncontrollable laughter. But these comics can't get out of my head. These hands, these horrible hands...I curse them.

But now I don't need talent! Thanks to this clever site, I can make my own funny 3-panel picture-type comics for the amusemnent of myself and (presumably) others. Try it out and then send the results to your friends...or enemies.



The site doesn't seem to let you save the finished work (it's composed of multiple images) but a quick ALT + PrtScr can capture the page for later editing. There are also a few other clever creative programs for you to play with. Joy!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Another cool thing I need

Sometime I am afraid of my own greed. To be biblical, my covetousness. I want shit. Lots of it. I don't need it all, I just think some shit is so cool that I should be the one to posess it. I am not rude, I would certainly share the joy of my stuff with others. But at the end of the day, it should be mine.

In witness therof here is the link to a goddamn X-box that some clever monkeys modded into a 1970 Millenium Falcon toy. Clever monkeys indeed...

What Democracy means to Me...

From the late, great Jonny Carson:


To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy, giving the fruits of nationhood to those who built the nation. Democracy means anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds. Democracy is having time set aside to worship — 18 years if you're Jim Bakker.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And, unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective political parties.

Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between three or more consenting adults. But I digress. Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving them something to hold onto — usually a mop or a leaf blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge amount of money.

Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer. Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of campaign contributors.

Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve, and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from getting what they deserve. Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable guy show up at your door. It's a tradeoff. Democracy means free television. Not good television, but free.

Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.

Democracy means no taxation without representation, and god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.

And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13 tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head. This signifies that when the white man came to this country, it was bad luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.

I thank you.