Pirate Season

As Rossana and I loaded the van with stock, racks, dress forms and other sales gear something kept niggling at the back of my mind. Like I was forgetting something.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something dear." I said to my lovely wife.

"Well, you're wearing pants, so you're ahead of the game today".

"True, so it must be something else."

My eyes wandered over to the pond and suddenly I had it. I ran downstairs and checked my Outlook calendar.

"Sweet Blackbeard's ghost! It's the first day of Pirate season!"

Why hadn't I realised it sooner? I immediately eschewed my duties and ran to get my Pirate ship. And after a few minutes of struggling to install batteries I skipped (yes, I skipped) down to the pond.

Behold, the maiden voyage of The Spanish Harlot.




She's a beauty. I tested one of the other ships, but one of the propellers doesn't go forward. I may have to operate. I haven't tested the third yet. And I still have to find a way to change the frequency they use so they don't conflict. But for today it was a shakedown cruise and a chance to scare the fish.

Since I likely won't have time enough to develop actual firing cannons, I'm thinking of having a sort of obstacle course/race at the next Bag End party. Captains will need to steer their ships through a set of buoys, dock at certain islands and avoid cannon fire from shore. I am beyond geeked.

Free Hugs

I do not like sappy shit. When people send me chain letters with hearts and unicorns and butterflies that shit gets deleted. Well, most of the time.

Then I found this video on Youtube. If you aren't smiling like an idiot by the end you are a heartless troll and should just die now. Some acts are so simple and pure and yet can have a kind of ripple effect on the world. This is one of them.

Just Married

I alluded to this incident a few posts ago, but just now found my camera and got the picture off it. The scene, somewhere in Kentucky I believe. Tired from a long haul we search for a motel with reasonable rates. Our first two stops are a bust. Then we pull into a no-name budget motel. Rossana hops out to inquire what the rates are. I look out the van window and see the following:


There are no cans and no other signs of decoration. After a minute or two a young mans steps out of the motel office. He's dressed in a cheap windbreaker and a baseball hat and jeans. He gets in the truck and pulls up to a parking spot. Some kind of intense discussion is taking place.

Rossana comes out with a room key. The room rate must be acceptable. We pull ahead and park the van. As Lindsey and Rossana haul the overnight bags to the room I stare back at the truck. Who are these kids? One can create a pretty good narrative just looking at the situation. No friends or family with them, plain dress, and now debating whether they have the funds to get a cheap motel room. Part of me knows that these two are not in for an easy go of it. That they might well be divorced in a year, maybe less, but not before she gets knocked up and goes back to living with her mom. There was just something so sad about this little drama.

I walked back to the office, the young man had found a coupon from one of those travel magazines they have at the rest stops and was literally counting change.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you the man who just got married?"

The kid blinks at me and grins sheepishly. "Yeah, I am."

Man, this kid is what? 19? 20? I recall how I both had and knew jack squat when I was his age, but was smart enough not to consider getting married.

I looked at the motel manager. "I'll be paying for this gentleman's room for this evening. How much is it?"

The manager does a double take and looks down "Um, $51.85"

I pull out a fifty and a one. "Can you cover the eighty-five cents?" I ask the kid.

He's looking art me like I just grew a new eye on my forehead.

"Uh, sure. " he fumbled for a single "I must say sir, that's about the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me" His drawl is thick and twangy.

If this is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for him, he's had a far shittier life than me. I've been blessed by good luck and a lot of help over the years from all kinds of people. Thanks to them I never had my gas turned off or a car repossessed or went hungry or had to sleep in my car. And I never forgot it. I never once have thought of myself as a 'self made man'.

"I've had people do nice things for me over the years. Someday you might be able to do the same for someone else."

I wanted to pass on some words of wisdom. Something that might bring about some epiphany or grant him some level of enlightenment or encouragement. But I couldn't think of anything. Besides, the lobby of a cheap motel is not the place to pass on life lessons, also, I didn't want to seem like some weird stalker type. I shook his hand and wished him good luck and safe journeys. Then I walked out.

As I walked back to our room a small part of my brain wondered if maybe this wasn't some kind of scam. Hang around a motel looking forlorn and hoping someone, either the motel manager or a passerby will take pity of you. Was I a sucker? If it was, it was a pretty clever scam. But no, they were already there when we pulled up, and the manager wasn't giving him any kind of break.

I think things were as they seemed. And my stepping in isn't going to change the course of their lives any. It's likely things will unfold as I predicted. But maybe not. Sometimes one small break can make a difference. That's good enough I guess. Anyone else done something strange like this?

This is CAKE TOWN!!!

This had GOT to be the funniest thing I have seen in a while. (I know, I keep saying that). I present to you "300-The PG version"



My wife literally called it 'blasphemy'.

If you have it, you don't need it.

By now you've likely seem the AWESOME Bruce Campbell Old Spice ads. If you haven't, turn in your Penis and hang your head in shame. For some more fun (and a bit of edutainment) go visit http://www.experienceoldspice.com/

Take the test and tell me how you did in the comments.

Furniture from Guns

A facinating set of pictures of weapons parts turned into furniture.

Homeward bound

This event went better than anticipated. Midnight Madness, where the merchants stay open extra late, didn't suck as it had in years past. Sales overall were much improved. The weather the last 2 days? great.

We abandoned the site on wednesday because the food selection at the event is miserable. The food served at the 'Bunk House' rates worse than a school cafeteria and I can only take so many gyros from Phils grill. We ate at a place called Copelands of New Orleans. It was a bit swankier than we were expecting but the food was great. There were eight of us, merchants all, including Scott from 'viking-u-like'. He's Dainish but lives in Germany. Funny guy with a lot of great stories. He knows all manner of stuff about Vikings, Danes, Rus, you name it. He'd never had cajun food before but I think he likes it.

After the meal we cought 300 again. Awesome. There was a trailer for 'Pathfinder' which I commented on in an earlier post. The depictions of the vikings is truly cringeworthy. I asked Scott what he thought.

'I think I want to see it, but I feel kind of dirty about it.'

Maybe a protest is in order. The christians are always bitching about how jesus is portrayed. But who speaks for the peace loving Vikings? Anyone want to dress up like a Viking and carry a sign?

Gulf Wars: Good and bad

We made it here without incident. Set up was smooth except for one missing pole which was replaced by a trip to a Home Depot. Sales are good so far. The weather is hot in the morning but pleasant by night.

Sounds pretty normal doesn't it? Well I just don't have the energy to relate the story of the young couple in the pickup truck that had 'just married' spraypainted on it in Kentucky, or the reunion with an old acquaintance who used to make chain mail at Pennsic. He is now a she.

Then there's the argument with the merchant coordinator over her demand that we put up a sheet wall behind our booth to hide our mundane tents, despite the fact that the road is only for cars! Ahhhrg! We're handling all the strangeness in stride. Glad to be doing what we love. Glad to be away from the winter.

Funniest video EVAR

If you're not familiar with the British show Top Gear you are really missing something. Alas, I can;t get it here but thanks to youtube some of the best of it is available to all.

Dangerocity Part II

With only a few days to go before heading out on the road I managed to get a day set aside for Ballista work with Grimm. Those of you awaiting pictures of us firing flaming projectiles at unsuspecting targets will have to wait.

Our fist order of business was actually fixing my welder. While it wasn't exactly broken, the knob that holds the dial controlling how many thousands of volts are used in the welding process was not holding. After dis assembly we found that the hole for the knob was stripped. Grimm pulled out his tap and die set and I got to tap some bolt holes. A first for me.

Wow, I am actually uncomfortable with reading that.

Anyhow, with repairs made we got down to some serious thinking. The design we are using requires two steel plates to be fabricated. Not having actual plates of steel large enough, Grimm prepared to weld a good dozen smaller pieces of steel together to achieve the same thing.


In my opinion this is like making a windshield from several panes of broken glass. Yes, it might work, no I don't want to be there when its in use. Grimm seemed confident in its structural soundness but it would involve a ton of cutting and welding. Instead I searched the internets and found a company that has a water jet. This VERY cool toy will cut 1/4 inch thick plate steel using a jet of high pressure water. Yes, I asked my wife if I could have one, the answer was no. We fired off the specs and decided to work on shortening the axle.

Out comes our old friend the circular saw. Lots of sparks. I made the second cut but did not have the advantage of long sleeves. Lets just say burning arm hair is not a pleasant smell.



With a 1 foot section removed from the middle of the axle we set up the welding rig outside, where it was bitter cold. Grimm did the welding and a fine job it was. When cool, each of us took turns standing on the axle and so far it has held our weight.



Then...more thinking. Grim has two gears for the winding mechanism. These need to be mounted to a shaft, the shaft needs to be held by several bearings and the center of the shaft needs a drum to wind the draw string onto. We also need to add crank handles. This is by far the most complex part of the operation but we worked out the parts we needed and how we would assemble them. Alas, it was getting late and we didn't have all the tools we needed. We called it a day.

About Ann Coulter

*Notice* Harsh language and strong opinions ahead.

If you're not familiar with conservative opinionista Ann (not a tranny) Coulter there is little I can say to bring you up to speed about this rather hateful harpy. Do a little googleing, and keep a trash can nearby for vomiting.

Her latest attempt at humor was at a Conservatives conference where she was the keynote speaker. And what was her crowning glory? Referring to John Edwards as a "faggot".

I'm not kidding. This is not taken out of context or a misspoken word. She outright called John Edwards a faggot.

Now I have a sense of humor. I love a good laugh and conservatives certainly have the right to make fun of the Democrats, the liberals, the Barbara Streisand's and Michael Moore's of the world. But if you're going to throw harsh language around, you better know how the fuck to do it. There are many great filthy comedians. And a well placed "motherfucker" can add a great deal of punch to a joke (just ask Samuel L. Jackson). But if you're idea of a joke is to say "John Edwards of a faggot" then you need to sit down and study the works of Richard Pryor or even Andrew Dice Clay. Comedy isn't about saying naughty words, it's about being funny. Calling someone a faggot isn't really funny.

I suppose you could have still tried the joke using some clever euphemisms. A deft double entendre'. But no Ann, you went right for faggot, just like last year you used the term "Raghead" to describe Muslims. Which is, admittedly, better than "Sand Nigger" which is what I am sure you were grasping for.

Maybe you are just lashing out. Striking back. After all, there have been some unkind things said about you. If I called Ann Coulter a scabby kneed, disease ridden cum guzzler, she might feel I had crossed a line. But this expression is an absurdly wild and obvious untruth. I am also not speaking to an audience of fellow liberals nor representing my joke as the opinion commonly held by said liberals. But humor is subjective. And I guess that your idea of a good yuck is to use one of the most hateful epithets still around.

And the most obvious thing is, you don't bill yourself as a comedienne. You are a pundit. An opinion giver. A representative of the conservative movement. Am I to believe that this is the common opinion of your fellow republicans? I am happy to have several conservative friends. Does this woman speak for you? Maybe you don't like John Edwards, maybe you don't like gays. But I have a hard time imagining anyone these days blurting out such a phrase. Honestly, I haven't heard the term "So and so is a faggot" since... I don't know, 1986?

In the end, they are only words. Stupid, hateful, biggoted words, but just words. And I would not stop her from speaking even if I could. Because Ann Coulter serves a purpose. The same purpose the Neo Nazi's serve. And the frothing at the mouth fundies. They are a powerful reminder of how far wrong ideas can go. Shining beacons of stupidity. Keep talking Ann. You're helping our country is ways you can't even imagine.

p.s. Check out Henry Rollins take on Ann here.

Wakey Wakey

I dislike alarm clocks, but they are a necessary evil sometimes. If one MUST be awakened, I can think of no better way than with this clock.

Remember Highlander...

There can be only one...