Walk it off son...

First, I want to state for the record that my version of the following events is the true one. The other person you may here this story from will say that it either A) Didn't happen B) Was a freak and completely unexpected accident or C) That I somehow put him up to it. These are all LIES.

My friend and sometimes co-conspirator Grimm returned to Ohio to get the very last of his stuff and finish some work on the house he is selling. As this work involved chainsaws I volunteered. Dangerous tools? I'm in! And to be truthful, there is nothing more manly than cutting up trees with a chainsaw. I have a small Craftsman chainsaw that never got to see much action down on the Gulf Coast after Katrina so I enjoy and chance to fire it up.

Things started out well. We hacked up a fallen willow tree. Well, I hacked while Grimm fought with a dull blade and a lot of thorn bushes. We eventually finished the willow and moved on to the main event. An upright but dead oak on the edge of his pond. It was a real eye sore and distracted from the nice view. So down it had to go. Alas, getting to it involved fighting our way through 20 feet of solid thorn bushes. These evil fuckers are the most spiteful plants on Earth and will actively attack you.

We finally cleared a path and prepared for cutting but Grimm insisted that a large side branch had to be cut off it first. He went off to sharpen his chain and I got the ladder. I leaned the ladder against the tree and scurried up to examine the branch and felt a strange sense of Deja Vu. I had taken down a branch like this when I first moved to Bag End and I knew that its shape and size would make it do what mine had done, namely try to kill the person on the ladder. I had been lucky. The branch I cut back then missed the ladder beneath me but only by inches. I came down and related my story of evil branches and then clearly and without ANY ambiguity told him that I believed this branch would try to take him out.

This of course, did not deter Grimm, who laughs in an unsettling way in the face of danger and common sense advice. He climbed up, began to cut and just as predicted, the partially cut branch swung back around and came right at the ladder. I will admit to flinching out of the way. I may have uttered an expletive. Then I saw that Grimm and the ladder had been knocked completely off the tree with some force. In fact the impact had swung the ladder around and Grimm hung onto it like a tick. I grabbed at the side of the ladder but only managed to have it smash my forearm and shin and knock me back. It hung upright for a moment, completely unsupported before slowly falling back towards the ice covered pond. Grimm I think realized that he had to lower his altitude or risk full submersion. He dropped down from the top of the ladder. Luckily a large mass of thorn bushes lessened his impact with the ground.

There were a few moment of "Holy Shit!" before he got up and got his bearings. The chainsaw had left his hands and was fully in the pond. He fished it out and I helped him back onto dry land. He came out remarkably well for such an amazing stunt. His hands were chewed up a bit and a few bumps and bruises. It could have been far worse.

I waiting a good 30 seconds before issuing my first "I f-ing TOLD you this would happen!", which he apparently didn't hear. I have repeated this statement several times but like a White House press secretary he denies it ever happened.

After we finished we headed back to Bag End. Grimm managed to redeem himself by changing the U-joint to his van in the shop. A task that involved hammers, a propane torch and a lot of hitting. After all my ribbing he was kind enough to help me with some new parts I bought for the Shopsmith.

My only regret about the day was that I didn't have a video camera at that crucial moment.

War is a swell racket..

I know we don't need any more cynicism in this world. The past 5 years are enough to make anyone a bit disillusioned . But I just found this great quote about war. The amazing thing is the source. A Major General in the Marines. It's an older quote, and yet it is even more meaningful today than ever.



"War is just a racket. A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of people. Only a small inside group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few at the expense of the masses.

I believe in adequate defense at the coastline and nothing else. If a nation comes over here to fight, then we'll fight. The trouble with America is that when the dollar only earns 6 percent over here, then it gets restless and goes overseas to get 100 percent. Then the flag follows the dollar and the soldiers follow the flag.

I wouldn't go to war again as I have done to protect some lousy investment of the bankers. There are only two things we should fight for. One is the defense of our homes and the other is the Bill of Rights. War for any other reason is simply a racket.

There isn't a trick in the racketeering bag that the military gang is blind to. It has its "finger men" to point out enemies, its "muscle men" to destroy enemies, its "brain men" to plan war preparations, and a "Big Boss" Super-Nationalistic-Capitalism.

It may seem odd for me, a military man to adopt such a comparison. Truthfulness compels me to. I spent thirty- three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country's most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle- man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.

I suspected I was just part of a racket at the time. Now I am sure of it. Like all the members of the military profession, I never had a thought of my own until I left the service. My mental faculties remained in suspended animation while I obeyed the orders of higher-ups. This is typical with everyone in the military service.

I helped make Mexico, especially Tampico, safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefits of Wall Street. The record of racketeering is long. I helped purify Nicaragua for the international banking house of Brown Brothers in 1909-1912 (where have I heard that name before?). I brought light to the Dominican Republic for American sugar interests in 1916. In China I helped to see to it that Standard Oil went its way unmolested.

During those years, I had, as the boys in the back room would say, a swell racket. Looking back on it, I feel that I could have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."

-- Excerpt from a speech delivered in 1933, by Major General Smedley Butler, USMC.

For my first trick...

With the addition of a table saw last year and now the Shopsmith, space has gotten a little tight in the shop. I am hoping to get some retractable casters for the shopsmith so I can roll it out of the way. But that still leaves all the accessories, each of which takes up room and are currently stored in a 'lean it against something else and hope I don't break it' kind of way.

The answer? Build a table. Now I know this thing ain't purty. It's made from the crappiest scrap wood I could find lying around, but it does the job. The table has sets of holes where each of the tools posts slide in keeping them off the ground and easy to get to. It's held together with deck screws, the star pattern kind rather than philips heads and I must say that it was like discovering fire. They are 286% better than using philips, which now seem like crude bits of bone.


I also changed the power switch on the shopsmith. Shopsmith actually has a bunch of cool videos on their site showing you how to do just these kinds of things. Yes I know that swapping out a toggle switch isn't exactly sequencing the human genome but it does involve putting your hand directly into the motor housing, a place hands aren't supposed to go. I managed to scape up my bear size paws pretty good in the process, adding to my sense of accomplishment. After all, it's not a successful shop project unless there's blood involved.

The most amazing thing you've ever seen...

People throw that term around a lot. But i think I can safely say that the following link will take you to a story about a place so amazing, made in secret by people with such passion, that you will agree with my statement that it is the most amazing thing ever. I don't know if it's possible to visit this place, but I am damn well going to try.


I give you, The Temples of Damanhur

Who are we?

I found this short film to be the most poignant thing I have watched in quite a while. If only we would embrace its simple truths, things would be a lot less messed up on this little blue planet.

Tool Pron...

Most women and many of those I call "tool impotent" may wish to click away to another site. This posting is about the sexy little number I brought home the other day, and man, can she deliver.

It all started a few weeks ago when I was browsing the toolmonger blog. They have a regular feature called "hot or not" where they ask if a specific tool is worth getting or lives up to its hype. The subject of this hot or not was the Shopsmith Mark V. This is a multi-function tool that first appeared in the 1050's and it's still in production today with almost no changes in funtion or design. The basic model is a table saw, a lathe, a horizontal borer, a drill press and disk sander. BUT, you can add ALL manner of accessories making it a true all in one tool. There was a great deal of debate on whether this was a tool worth investing in, since a new one (base model) is about $2500 and accessories can range from $2-400 bucks each.

Since I don't have a large barrel of money sitting around it seemed a moot point to consider its "hotness". But then I started checking ebay and craigslist. Sure enough, you can find used ones for a LOT less money. Often, they have accessories included. I found mine on ebay. It was bought at an estate sale and the owner was looking to make a quick buck on turnaround. I got it for $600! But wait, it gets more tasty. Included with the base unit was a Jig saw, a band saw (and blades), a joiner, router bits and a sander. Holy crap! All that stuff new would around $4500!!

My friend Ed drove with me out to Pittsburgh to get it and haul it home, a task that took the better part of a day (thanks Ed). I've spent the past 2 days cleaning, aligning and testing it out. So far everything works. The genius of the design is that it's A) Built like a tank and B) It has only one motor and IT is built like a tank. The power switch is a little flaky and the motors variable speed control feels a little off. Luckily parts and service are still available for it to this day. My unit was likely built between 1968 and 1978 and almost any new part or accessory I get today will work on it and there are a LOT of parts for sale on ebay.

I don't have the manual or the woodworking books that came with the unit originally, I may get these from the company. It was also missing the sanding disk, but that's it. Even without the manuals the design is so good that you can figure most things out yourself. I am beyond geeked about this thing. What should I build fist?

Just got back from a wake...

But this was a fun one. My friend Duffy has a rare form of Anemia and wasn't expected to live much beyond 21. Well she's in her late 30's now and to celebrate another year thumbing her nose at the Grim Reaper she has a great party/wake. I guess her thinking is, why wait until you're dead to have a great party?

This year's theme was Harry Potter. I was surprised at the number of people who came in costume bearing wands, household ties and other props. Duffy and Jesse came as member sof house Sparklypoo. Go look it up, it's kind of funny of you know anything about fanboyism.

Ed as Hagrid (or maybe just a filthy hippie)

Me as Professor Catwhacker (potions) and Professor Fifi La rue (Defense against the Fark Arts by kicking it in the balls and then breaking its nose)

Holly and Myron. I love the idea of Harry Potter entering the workforce and swapping out his wand for an extending pointer with a bottle opener.

Cat as the flying instructor (forget the name at the moment) This was a great costume.

Someone comes to town, someone leaves town...

I've been in a pretty up mood of late. My brothers wedding was great and I am very happy for him. I've been helping a friend work on his place and putting my shop back in order which is a kind of Zen meditation. I'm not selling, not pushing anything. I'm enjoying the long Fall weather. But yesterday I got the news that I was hoping I wouldn't get. John Parker, the Glassblower at the Ohio Ren fair, passed away.

There's really no way to describe what a unique and cool guy this was. He was more active and full of life in his 70's than many people one third his age. His place was the heart of the show. There was always something going on there. He hosted potlucks, had music night, let people try out the pipe, had a million funny stories and genuinely loved life. He took shit from no one, especially the owner of the show.

And of course, he was a great artist. I am really gonna miss him.

Here's a pic I found of Parker in a rare moment of non tie-dyedness

I present to you..

Mr. and Mrs. Holiday! That's the new name and I rather like it. It will take a while to get used to. Goodman has been just Goodman for so long that he has entered the one-name celebrity circle, like Cher or Bono.

The wedding went off without any real hitches. There was a part in the ceremony where the parents stood and gave their blessings but in all the excitement leading up to the event kelly and Good forgot to actually tell the parents this. Luckily they had a pro at the wheel (cough me cough) and we smoothly got the parents to give their hearty blessings without missing a beat. The ceremony even had a small part for Hanah, Kellys daughter, who seems to dig Goodman and the feeling is mutual. I will have pics soon from family as I took none of my own. It was a very fun wedding. The laser tag contest to determine the best man was a blast. I am proud to say that I took second place. All those days I spent playing Photon in my youth were not wasted.

The pizza place/arcade/go cart/laser tag place was pretty cool and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves tremendously. Sometimes adults don't play enough. I got Rossana to play a samurai sword fighting game that uses a virtual sword you really swing and she rocked on it.

After the ceremony I signed the marriage certificate. As I had registered with the Universal Life Church so that my job as minister would be legit, I took great and wicked delight as listing my title as "The Right Revered Steven Pack". You may feel free to address me by this title when you see me, but I insist you say it correctly, loudly and with a slight southern accent.

I also hope to post a copy of the wedding program which is one of the funniest reads I have had in a while.

The Big Day...

Arrived in Austin late but without incident. The parents made it, friends and family gathering for the big day. But today was pretty relaxed. We slept in, then took a walk down to the trendy 6th street. The weather is mild and the city is pretty damn cool. It also has a sense of humor about itself with restaurants that proclaim "Free straw with every beverage" and "It's only binge drinking if you stop".

There's a new Alamo Drafthouse theater that just opened not far away. It's a kick ass concept. Show cool movies AND take out every other row of seats and put in a bench like table and serve food. Brilliant. I wish we had something like this back in Cleveland.

My luggage was not lost (hurrah) and the wedding ceremony has been tweaked and finalized. In the last update I learned my brothers new last name. (He's simply been "Goodman" for about 15 years or so) At about 4pm today my Brother and his wife will be Mr and Mrs....

Nah, I won't spoil it.

Besides, I wouldn't put it past my brother to put out incorrect details to throw off the press. Tune in later for all the fun details.

Busy little ants

I have alluded to several projects that I have been working on over the past few weeks. Well here are a few pics. The big one was fixing, or rather building a roof at our Ohio Ren Fair booth. When we got the place, we knew its was little better than a tar paper shack. There's no polite way to say it. It was not built well. This was made worse by adding an extension off one side. At some point the previous owner must have planned to build a roof over the back quarter of the building but this project never happened. There were only a few bare rafters which we have thrown tarps over to keep the worst of the leaking at bay. Our booth is so ghetto that no rennie will work on it. That says something. So I made a call to someone who knows no fear. His name is Cowboy and with his abundant help we managed to build two complete roofs in two days. I wish I had more pics but we were pretty damn busy.


Here's what we had to work with. Three rafters, uneven floor, useless rolled roofing material. The one good thing is that the booth is made from rough sawn Red Oak.


Action shot. The extra fun part was that the stairs leading up to this roof are completely rotted and totally unsafe. But there was no time to work on them. We just kept praying we wouldn't drop straight through and break a leg.



By midnight Friday we had gotten this far. You can't see it here, but we built another complete roof near the front of the booth. A week later I finished the flashing, used a crapload of silicone, closing off the open area and finally put something on the back wall which was exposed studs. I'm pretty confident that this will stop the leaking.

The other project has been helping my friend Grimm fix up his house so that he can sell it. His wife is already in North Carolina at her new job. So he's basically on his own for most of this HUGE project. I am amazed at how much he's gotten done but it's the last 10% that can just drag on. I'm proud to say that I helped rebuild a deck, install a drywall ceiling & texture it as well as move a lot of heavy materials. Oh yeah, and I helped burn a lot of things that made me feel fairly guilty. I mean my hippie gene was just disgusted with myself. At some point a whole lawnmower was consigned to the flames.

It's close to completion now. Some painting, trimwork and a lot of yard work. I'm glad to lend a hand but it's a bittersweet project. Once it's done the house goes on the market and Grimm will be free to join his sweetie permanently. I'll miss him and his wife. They're a great couple. I've learned a LOT from Grimm on all manner of subjects and his IS my closest neighbor.

So, anyone looking for a place in the country? It's got land, a pond, a barn and has had a LOT of high quality renovation done on it. I'm talking an amazing marble tile bathroom, radiant floor heating, new carpet, kitchen, the works. Sure it's in Amish country, but you can shoot off guns out there and no one will mind. Interested? Drop me a line.

My Mornings

This video clearly illustrates the morning routine of our "pet" known as The Great Cat of Reh (or "Ray" for short). Thanks to Grisette for sending me this!